Heartbreak and time.

You fall head over heels for him, belly butterflies, wandering mind, untold happiness, perfect relationship, inevitable heartbreak, crashed heart, nostalgic memories, slowly picking yourself up, getting over him, moving on, wondering why in the first place you tripped.....well, that’s the doing of time.

My animate bff is my extinct partner and in-animate bff is time. Unlike bff no. 1, the latter will never break your heart he will heal it, works best if you are a patient and independent, not the clingy type. Point of clarification though, what you do with the time is the most important thing.

I have a pal who has dated her first love for close to eight years now and it’s always like the first time they met, bliss, never experienced the pain and anguish that comes with losing someone who gave you so much to believe in. We do our girly chit chat about anything from clothes, shoes, to hot celebrities but one topic we never seem to agree on is the feeling we call love. We are on different pages; here I am, heart full of stitches having faced the needle one a many times in an attempt to make it whole again, and hers in perfect shape having never had to experience heartbreak.

A broken heart... “Been there, done that”, majority can say but when it happens, you are on your own. Friends and family try to comfort you with unrealistic sayings and quotes. They help ease the pain but at the end of the day, it’s you, your bleeding heart and a tormented brain, no one can fit in your shoes. It’s upon you to up pick your tiara and march on, at first feebly but with time make firm and confident steps.

How long is “after some time, you’ll feel better” Is it one week, two months, one year? It all depends on what you decide to do during the “getting over” period. Everyone finds a different way to deal with it but there are a few points that should not miss in your to do list. I mean, they’ve worked for me, why not you?

Don’t rethink your decision. This applies if you are the one that called off the relationship. Yes, the vows go unbroken, you loved him and you still do but you knew then, it was the best thing for both of you. Ask yourself, “Will I be happy if we went back together?” Chances are NO because there must be a solid reason as to why you made the brave step. What’s done is done; it’s now in the past.

Stop hoping. When a guy breaks up with you, don’t keep hoping he will reconsider his decision and call apologizing. If he really wanted you in his life, nothing would have stopped him.

Break away. You were used to chatting the whole day with boo, good morning texts, good night calls, face book posts and pokes...All this has changed. There is no communication and you feel the urge to send the “just checking on you” text. Prevent yourself from trying any form of communication as this will just leave you more depressed especially if the calls and text go unanswered. Don’t stalk them on social sites, yes it’s tempting but damaging, No need of blocking them, it’s immature.

Put it on paper. Pour out your feelings on paper, it’s just paper but it will help. You will feel like a heavy load has been lifted off your shoulders. Jot down the pain, memories, regret, and every experience you wish to get clear with. You can keep a copy to read during glory days when you are over everything or just crumble it and chew.

Talk to someone. Some people are very good at listening. Get someone who you can pour out your heart to without judging. Beware though; some people will only listen to your woes to get something to bitch about or secretly rejoice.

Take up a hobby. You had an interest in art but were too busy with bae to concentrate on it, work on it. Attend those cooking classes you’ve always wanted to, Finish that article you worked on years ago, Take up the dancing classes you’ve always wanted to attend. These are good places to meet potential dates with the same interest as you. Being idle will only make you drift back to the relationship you very much want to forget.

Ponder on the negative things. We only remember the good memories we had in a past relationship but never the bad. Thinking about the shortcomings can help see an ex in a different light. Think about how he kept postponing your dates, that instance he embarrassed you in front of his friends, the many times he lied, that time he cheated on you - for this, you'd have left years ago..

Hook up with friends.  Call up the girlfriends you had kept off your hook, dress up, go partying though don’t drink much, breakup and hangovers don’t go too well, go out for dates, feel sexy, after all no one is in charge of your happiness expect you.

If it was meant to be, it will come around someday; in the meantime live your life.

Love,

Ann