Somebody tag my Campus Sweetheart!

Everyone talks of their high school flame; the scented letters they exchanged, the hugs they shared during symposiums and music festivals and if lucky enough, the stolen kisses behind the Biology lab. I do not talk about my high school flame; because I did not own one. I talk about my campus sweetheart. Because I owned one. So my campus darling, wherever you are, make a point of reading this. It may be the closest thing you will ever get to really know what you meant to me, considering we only dated for how many years? 10 months to be exact and half of the dating period was long distance…well, at least Mombasa to me was miles away by then.

Ours was not the typical “boy meets girl, girl meets boy, both fall in love, boy cheats, girl cries, girl dumps boy, boy begs for a second chance, girl considers, start dating again…blah blah blah…..”  Kind of relationship. It never lasted enough to test those waters. It was the intense, eruptive kind of relationship that leaves you high and dry. A relationship that only lasted us through the honeymoon period.

 He was in his last semester of his final year. Having had enough of campus life; the fun, the room parties, the binge drinking, the sex, the many friends etc., maybe the last thing he was looking for was a relationship, all he needed probably was a girl (or two) to have fun with during his last college days. On the other hand, I was on my first semester of my first year. Fresh from high school with lots of naivety and innocence. Alcohol, parties, groupies, movie nights, sex were all new vocabularies to me but I was determined to take campus life by storm.

They say unlike poles attract so ours was no different script. He saw me at a swimming pool in campus one Sunday afternoon, donning a blue top. He made tons of assumptions about me and probably liked the person he assumed I was but he ended up falling in love with the real me. You see, back then I had this face that made most guys assume things not so pleasing to write about me, hence they would all vibe me but once they got to actually know that I was not what I seemed to be, they left. He did not.

Our relationship started unexpectedly with a bang and what followed was a whirlwind of emotions, intense feelings, magical passion, declarations of love, tears and misunderstandings (mostly because my then bruised self-esteem played with my mind at times) but we stuck together like the strong couple we were meant to be.

The boring afternoons after class became more vibrant. Weekday nights changed from the normal boring routine to delightful moments of craziness and passion. Fridays became our date nights and I no longer had to scramble for the meagre dining hall servings as he always bought me fries and soda. Suddenly my fresher life became forever changed. I was in complete immersion in our world of love. Nothing else mattered.

Our love was established quickly without question. No hesitations, awkward silences, or sexual hurdles: He respected my decision to wait until marriage. Everything was incredibly smooth. We became a single entity operating only on a shared unconscious feeling that only we could understand. Like any other campus girl having found a first love, I was confident that he was the guy I would walk down the aisle with.

I remember that day in December 2009. His study years had come to an end and he had to leave. We spent the better part of the day arm in arm in his room. With Westlife playlist playing back to back in the background, we made firm declarations of our love, whispered sweet nothings to each other, named our unborn children and made a pact to always communicate for our relationship to survive. Evening came and I saw him off to the campus gate. It was the first time he would get into a matatu and leave without me. We stood in silence everyone lost in their seas of wishful thinking. A seemingly happy couple walked past us and at that moment I could give anything to be in their shoes. Finally the matatu came and we had to say our goodbyes. With tears in his eyes, he gave me one final hug and through his grip I could read love, passion, fear and uncertainty. No one could tell of what could become of our young love. He hopped into the already impatient recklessly driven matatu and I sadly watched as my bae was taken away from me.

The walk back to the hostel remains to be my longest walk ever. Unable to control my tears anymore, I sat on the sidewalk and burst out uncontrollably. I cried for the guy who had made me so alive. I cried for the short months we spent together. I cried for the moments I thought I did not appreciate him enough. I cried for the cuddles he would give me as he watched movies. I cried for the Friday soda and fries. But mostly I cried because I thought I would never see him again.

The next few weeks were spent endlessly chatting on Facebook inbox. Call me crazy but I still have messages that we exchanged 9 years ago. I am a very sentimental person and tend to store tiny bits of reminders of people, moments and situations that made me a better person. So here are a few extracts from my archives. Ignore the “xaxa generation” accent

 12/14/2009 10:02PM

Me: Mitin u ws by fate, bein frnds wit u ws a choice bt falin in luv wit u ws beyond ma control....u jst cnt imagin hw lyf's chngd!!

12/15/2009 9:35AM

Him: Things wil, mght hppen na u mght learn 2 go by wthout me as ur friend puts it.i may 2,4get al the memories but 1 u shldnt 4get is that u r $ wil alwys b important 2 me.that 1 person who awaken the lng gone love! sme how ann,u gave me smething bac.did i eva told u this: THANK U ANN! na ma love 4 u is real.

You see, I only came to learn that I actually made a big impact on his life long after he was gone!!!

12/16/2009 4:37PM

Him: Its important 2 me that u knw that i luv u.did u knw i luv it wen u daydream & u think i nt watchin!so wateva its u r doin thinkin or sayin as u go abot ur day.knw that i miss u gal.kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss!?!

I only came to know that he loved when I daydream long after he was gone!!!

04/05/2010 11:24PM

Him: If i were there ths momnt wat wld u hav done, i mis u far 2 lng na wish 2 c u more! u knw i lvd u al alng!

And I only came to know that he loved me all along long after he was gone!!!

My Campus sweetheart, why did you not tell me all these things when we were still in our love bubble? Maybe I would have done something crazy like eloping with you to Mombasa, or hopping onto the next matatu and run after your departing bus like they do in the movies.

Obviously our relationship did not work out even after me gathering any writing skills I had back then and texting him the below “portia to bassanio” text.

04/05/2010 11:38PM

Me: I luvd u too n stil do,if only u knew hw much i miss u,hw mch i mis da shrt tym we had,hw mch i wish u wud av stayd longer........at tyms am scared al neva see u again n i jst cry......al alwaz wait 4u........

Dont get me wrong, I waited but at times, we do not always get what we want. I still believe it was more of meeting the right person at the wrong time.